Few have noticed that Bob Dylan's song "I Contain Multitudes," though referencing Walt Whitman, can also be read as further evidence that Dylan serves Black Sabbath's satanic "Lord of This World," whom Dylan called "the chief commander . . . in this earth" in a 2005 interview. The proof: Before Jesus liberates a possessed man in Mark 5, he asks the demon its name, receiving the reply, "My name is Legion, for we are many." Yes, the impure spirit contains multitudes.
Dylan's new "Rough and Rowdy Ways" album contains many similarly demonic, violent, metallic images worthy of his hero Robert Johnson, who sold his soul at the crossroads. But the record represents only part of the story, as MetalJazz reporters discovered when they retrieved the following from Dylan's trash.
* * *
Yngwie Malmsteen
That Swede can really shred
But if he steals my canteen
I'll shoot him in the head
* * *
Edith Piaf
Had a ton of brio
But less by half
Than Ronnie James Dio
* * *
All you metal Odins
Can jump off a cliff
Once you finish uploadin'
Those old Iommi riffs
* * *
Am I a lech?
Gott only knows
But hot Doro Pesch
Can climb my Pokono
* * *
For flamin' Trey Azagthoth
I take my metal helmet off
'Cause though his angel may be morbid
His fingers fly in crazy orbit
* * *
Oh Judas Priest
For you my razor thirsts
You'll soon be deceased
Because I named you first
* * *
Megadeth
I cry for you in vain
I'd give a pound of meth
To play like Dave Mustaine
* * *
No saint will bend
To worldly wealth
But his soul he'll spend
To hear Cradle of Filth
* * *
Who grooves so hard?
Who trips like voodoo?
Who holds the cards?
Oranssi Pazuzu!
* * *
Other incomplete, crumpled verses were discovered -- showing, for example, Dylan's failed attempt to rhyme his favorite Ukrainian black-metal band, Drudkh. The above, however, should provide sufficient documentation that the voice of his generation bleeds molten metal. Just not publicly.
* * *
WRITER RICHARD BALDASTY OFFERS THIS CORRECTION: Piaf had a ton of brie. Not brio, to her a no-no. She ate all that cheese herself. When I shouted alarm about cholesterol, she said, "Je ne regrette rien."